You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
it was like his penis was on wheels.
Laughlin, where retired strippers come to die.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
Randomize