i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
