if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
Randomize
