Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Last night after the bar I went home and ate a pulled pork sandwich in a bubble bath
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
Randomize
