don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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