Tell her she can't have a vagina
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
