This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I told him he was my first gentile. He was so flattered.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
