I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Randomize