the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
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