Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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