i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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