ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
