The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
