I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
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