No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
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