Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
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