btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
Randomize
