When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
How does it feel to date your dad?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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