I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Randomize
