just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
I don't drink so I see St. Patty's as an LSD type of day. Its like a more hardcore 420
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Randomize