i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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