she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
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