I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
Randomize
