Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
you do realize the next step is naked mud wrestling, right?
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Randomize
