Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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