Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
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