I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize