they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
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