I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
Baked goods and tits. Hard to go wrong there.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
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