so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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