I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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