Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
