i already hear my dad disowning me
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
You're going to be mad because I got baked, but not that mad because I'm bringing home kfc.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Randomize
