is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Even my vagina gasped.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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