Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Randomize
