i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Randomize
