Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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