I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Randomize
