I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
Randomize
