Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
It's just like the Real World with babies
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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