Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
