I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
A+ Viking dick
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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