I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
