hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
Randomize
