i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
His tongue was like Jesus himself was blessing my boobs for eternal ecstasy.
I'm not so sure Jesus approves of such activities, but ok.
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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