There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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