Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
You were cussing me out in sign language, and slurring your signs.
That's some kind of record drunk there...
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Randomize
