i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
My plan for valentine's day: take a shot for every guy I've slept with. To keep me from going to the hospital I'm only doing half a shot for small dicks
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
There's always time for handjobs
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
