Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
