why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
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