At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize