Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Getting "I couldn't find the front door so I climbed in through window" drunk seems to be a habit of yours
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
Randomize
