I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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