oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
Randomize
