no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
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