Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
Randomize
