Pants 0. Shit 1.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
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