Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Randomize
