So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
