I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize