I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize