my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize