Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
