He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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