Whod you bang
I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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