The two bassists just totally made out. I NEED MENNA'S RIGHT now.
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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