You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
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