Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
