Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
As soon as they started using chocolate milk as a chaser for captain Morgan, I thought l it'd be best to leave.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
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