I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Randomize
