There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
Randomize